Inbox for sticksandbones

[sesa]

I will make this pretty later

(Spoilers I won't, I always say I will but I won't-)

===

INVENTORY:

-Grenade Launcher with 3 ammo stacks (refreshes monthly)

-Nondescript gaming console (it's an offbrand Nintendo Switch)

-Some glowing star rocks from an investigation with Elsword in the Deep Woods

-A little knitted dragon from Elsword that I forgot to link and am too lazy to find now

-1 Kotatsu that he keeps in his room at the lab. It's red with light beige birds on it

-His toolbox from Rhodes

-A workshop that connects to Gnosis' lab via a breezeway. He lives there with Passenger now

-3 erythrites, used to make Passenger a pair of earrings

Comments

[sesa]

[.................]

So it would seem.

[Sesa deflates visibly, looking more than a little shocked by the revelation. They didn't...they didn't have to...

Ah...]

Look at it this way. Perhaps we can just take this as a fateful bonding exercise...?

[forwander]

I'm choosing to take it more as what would have happened if we owned an actual home together, or decided to move in at the Landship.

[Flirts with you flirts with you

At least when they go back to the rest of it, they can bring it through the garage. The studio itself is still, you know, a moderate problem — as studio apartments/rooms off to the side tend to be — but still! One less doorway.]

Come. Let us grab the kotatsu. I believe that's the next largest, other than the dressers.

[sesa]

Haha, I mean...if the Doctor allowed it...

[At this point, he doubts he'd say no. He would have...a LOT of questions to field from his comrades, he is sure, but that's a problem for future Sesa. Elliot, meanwhile, likely does not give a fuck.

But anyway, kotatsu time. This is going to be where it lives from now on, so getting it now will save them a lot of trouble later. He'll let Elliot lead the way...which gives him a moment to think. He did, after all, go through the space before inviting Elliot to help him move furniture. And there is a letter that he uncovered that's currently folded and kept safely in his toolbox. It sits there, though it's constantly on his mind. Even now.]

Mm...Elliot? Do you mind if I ask you something while we make our way?

[forwander]

[They're gonna have to take apart the kotatsu — the table parts of it — to get it out the lab door, and into the studio. Hm. Elliot will sit down and begin taking it apart as soon as they're in the room, careful and meticulous.]

Ask away.

[He can answer while he does his silly little bird tasks.]

[sesa]

[Sesa will help! He'll just be...considerably more distracted while he does so, sitting cross legged on the floor not far away.]

Would...would you happen to recall sending me any sort of letters during our time here in the Grove?

[forwander]

In our past lives? Unfortunately, I lack memories of that time, though it would be nice to have them. I'd like to see how we interacted, after all.

[Good lord man.]

Why do you ask?

[sesa]

[HAHA, HA, WHY INDEED...]

Well. When I received this workshop, I went through the rooms and included furniture before we began moving in our things. And I found...a letter. It was addressed to me, from you.

[He's looking down at his claws now, toying with some part of the kotatsu instead of actually taking more of it apart.]

And I wasn't sure how much you might have remembered from something like that...if anything. Given its contents.

[forwander]

A letter?

[Hmm.]

I take it it must have alarmed you, considering your body language. [The fidgeting...] What were the contents?

[please don't tell him that past-life Elliot wrote an I'm-dying-soon-goodbye letter, that's fucked up and haunting.]

[sesa]

Your letter mentioned that you were leaving the Grove, to try to find safety. I imagine this took place as things were nearing their end.

[...]

"Should I never see you in light of all of this, I hope we reunite in the next life. I love you."

That is what the end of it said.

1/2

[forwander]

[OH GOD IT'S WORSE THAN HE THOUGHT]

2/2

[forwander]

...I see.

[He wonders if he made it to safety... probably not, considering where they are now.]

How did it make you feel when you read it? The "me" of the past is no longer "I", after all.

[sesa]

[A good question. One that isn't easy for him to answer, even though he's thought about it a lot since he found and read it.]

I found myself hoping that my past self never read it. I know myself best, and...I can hazard a guess that we both died not long after this letter was penned. We probably never saw each other again.

[Which means, Sesa pined but never confessed, and then fucking died about it. Or, if he did read it, he ran out like an idiot into the forest after and THEN fucking died about it.

He looks up at Elliot after admitting that, his expression a little less sure.]

...I also wondered if the present you felt the same, at all.

[forwander]

[Elliot looks at Sesa, and then... down at the kotatsu, where he more insistently jams the screwdriver into one of the legs and hastily unscrews it. His cheeks are dusted pink, and to be honest, he's not sure how to answer that question.]

"Love" is a pure emotion. I'm undeserving of such things... and I cannot say for certain that I understand the ins and outs of it.

[Which sounds like rejection, but bear with him real quick.]

I've said before, [and then he sets the tools aside, looking down at his hands, folded so neatly in his lap,] that I have a single-minded obsession with you, and that should you cross the threshold, I would never let you go. That remains true even now. Whether it is "love" or something more depraved... I wouldn't know, Sesa.

I've never been in love before.

[sesa]

[Sesa feels his heart leap into his throat as Elliot begins, because that sure as hell does sound like he's going to say "no, I don't love you" and then he's going to cry about it when Elliot isn't looking. He surprises even himself with the strength of his reaction, and he has to look down for a moment to feel ashamed, his own face flushing darkly.

As Elliot continues though, he looks back up so he can study his face, and suddenly he thinks he knows how the Liberi is feeling. The confusion towards his own emotions, the conflicting feelings...all of it.]

I would disagree that love is inherently pure. One can "love" to do truly heinous things, for example. It never has to be quite so black and white.

[...]

Would it be correct to say, then...that the decision to live with me, and be with me, even when the two of us are doing nothing truly special at all...makes you happy?

[forwander]

[His headwings shift, briefly obscuring his eyes before folding back into place atop his head, where they remain, albeit the feathers ruffle and shift every so often. Elliot and his own feelings have never been friends; they lie in a complicated space in his heart, often with the accompaniment of Little Elliot telling him that he's doing something, feeling a certain way, or acting like an ass. The child is silent today, letting the real Elliot contend with his feelings all on his own.

Well. It's not like he can feel them most of the time. Still, his answer is more sure than he feels in that moment — not because Sesa is wrong (Sesa is very right), but because Elliot still thinks that such sweet things are off-limits to him.]

Yes. It does. Oripathy has taken much from me — my emotions, my lifespan, and much of my will. Before you, I had been rather content to live out the scant few years I have left, going through life passively and waiting for death to take me. After you... I feel as though I want to live for longer than Oripathy will allow.

How terrible.

[sesa]

...Elliot.

[Whether he's looking at Sesa or not, Elliot will feel the Vouivre suddenly reach out one of his hands, searching for one of Elliot's to take. Despite his hands being so viciously clawed all the time, his touch is as gentle as a lamb's as he lets Elliot's lithe fingers fall into his own.]

I do not know when we will be getting out of here, or if. For the time being, it seems as if we may be here for quite a while. But I can say with full confidence that knowing that I will be spending it with you makes it that much more bearable.

[His shoulders sag a bit, his expression shifting into something...wistful. Sad.]

...I don't like thinking about the little time you have left. It means that I won't get to do all of the things I want with you. Or say everything I wish to say.

[Like his past self, who lost that chance many years ago.]

Such as now. Because I do love you, Elliot Glover. With all my heart.

[forwander]

[Elliot still wears the ring Sesa gave him; he hasn't taken it off, save to shower or when he's doing work on the machinery. It's being worn now, even, sticking out between their fingers where they intertwine.]

I hardly deserve your saccharine words, Sesa.

[He has never deserved Sesa, yet he refuses to let go. He'll sink his claws in as deep as he possibly can to make sure the Vouivre never leaves his side. The obsession runs deep, see, and it's impossible for him to ignore. It says to hold and harbour and claim. Sesa is his, has always been his, and Elliot refuses to imagine a world where their hands aren't intertwined over the vast bridge that separates their two paths.

He bonks their foreheads together, closing his eyes.]

If this is love, then I, too, must love you. What else could it be?

[sesa]

[Their foreheads bonk and then Sesa gets Oripathy and explodes-

No, Sesa will fight death itself if it means staying with Elliot for longer. The Liberi has been cheated out of a full life, but that doesn't mean his remaining days have to be unpleasant ones. And Sesa, who has been tied up in knots about their standing with one another ever since they started this whole thing, has started to grow more and more sure over time of how he feels. Maybe it's unhealthy. Perhaps they are a toxic presence in one anothers' lives.

But if they are both happy...does that matter? In a world already so full of misery in strife, and in a world that Sesa knows won't see Elliot in it for much longer?

Their foreheads rest together as Sesa shifts to turn to face Elliot just a little more, bringing his free hand up to cradle the side of his face. His thumb brushes over his cheekbone, down the curve of his jawline. Just hearing Elliot say the words is enough to make Sesa's eyes brim over with tears, and before he knows it, they're falling when he blinks. They cling to his lashes, giving him away, but for now he ignores them.]

A sickness, perhaps.

[He chuckles, his tail loosely wrapping around Elliot's side.]

A plague that has chosen to afflict us both, I fear.

[Said as he leans in, and presses a fleeting kiss to Elliot's lips.]

[forwander]

[Elliot places his free hand upon Sesa's cheek, thumbing away the tears. He understands, in the most basic sense of the word, why they're falling... but it's alarming nonetheless, brief as it is. They kiss, and Elliot chases after Sesa's lips when they part, not so much to deepen it but rather to simply have it. Kissing Sesa has, after all, always felt correct. Despite Elliot's numerous wrongs, he has something right.

...

Alright. Now they can part.]

If I did not truly get to have you in the past, [he begins,] then allow me to have you now, while the chance remains to us both. It may not be much, but we have a life together to live, do we not?

[A life that they can live... you know, after they disassemble this kotatsu. The joys of living together actually is moving furniture and picking who sleeps on which side of the bed.]

[sesa]

[The kiss helps to ground him in the moment, especially the way that Elliot seems to chase him for more of the same. He'll happily provide of course, cupping his face in his hand until they eventually do part, just enough so that they can look into one anothers' eyes again.

For all of the many terrible ways he feared talking about this could have gone...this is one of the positive ones. The best outcome, as a matter of fact.]

Yes...yes, we do. And I look forward to spending each and every moment of it with you.

[My guys where is the wedding]

I...haha. I'm sorry. I fear I distracted us from what we were doing.

[forwander]

[They've already taken their vows and Elliot has a ring yet they remain boyfriends... smh.

He nuzzles the tips of their noses together, a light, airy chirp in the back of his throat. Ah... Sesa always has a way of making him happy, even if Elliot doubts he deserves it. The fact remains, though, that he's obsessed with this Vouivre, and he truly doesn't intend to let him go.]

It's alright. Come, let us finish moving in... surely we can celebrate our love afterwards, don't you think?

[what are you implying elliot—]

[sesa]

[Fuck you Elliot, you so deserve it. Sure you're a war criminal, sure you're responsible for the death of hundreds, but who isn't at Rhodes Island?? You deserve happiness just like everyone else, Sesa says as he falls deeper and deeper into denial.

But denial can't stop him from feeling the way he does about Elliot, a deep chuckle reverberating in his chest at what that implies.]

Haha...it will be a suitable reward for getting all of this work done.

[Ough. One last nuzzle before he picks up the pieces of the kotatsu he took apart. He can't help it, okay.]