sesa | Inbox for sticksandbones

A letter?

[Hmm.]

I take it it must have alarmed you, considering your body language. [The fidgeting...] What were the contents?

[please don't tell him that past-life Elliot wrote an I'm-dying-soon-goodbye letter, that's fucked up and haunting.]

Your letter mentioned that you were leaving the Grove, to try to find safety. I imagine this took place as things were nearing their end.

[...]

"Should I never see you in light of all of this, I hope we reunite in the next life. I love you."

That is what the end of it said.

[OH GOD IT'S WORSE THAN HE THOUGHT]

...I see.

[He wonders if he made it to safety... probably not, considering where they are now.]

How did it make you feel when you read it? The "me" of the past is no longer "I", after all.

[A good question. One that isn't easy for him to answer, even though he's thought about it a lot since he found and read it.]

I found myself hoping that my past self never read it. I know myself best, and...I can hazard a guess that we both died not long after this letter was penned. We probably never saw each other again.

[Which means, Sesa pined but never confessed, and then fucking died about it. Or, if he did read it, he ran out like an idiot into the forest after and THEN fucking died about it.

He looks up at Elliot after admitting that, his expression a little less sure.]

...I also wondered if the present you felt the same, at all.

[Elliot looks at Sesa, and then... down at the kotatsu, where he more insistently jams the screwdriver into one of the legs and hastily unscrews it. His cheeks are dusted pink, and to be honest, he's not sure how to answer that question.]

"Love" is a pure emotion. I'm undeserving of such things... and I cannot say for certain that I understand the ins and outs of it.

[Which sounds like rejection, but bear with him real quick.]

I've said before, [and then he sets the tools aside, looking down at his hands, folded so neatly in his lap,] that I have a single-minded obsession with you, and that should you cross the threshold, I would never let you go. That remains true even now. Whether it is "love" or something more depraved... I wouldn't know, Sesa.

I've never been in love before.

[Sesa feels his heart leap into his throat as Elliot begins, because that sure as hell does sound like he's going to say "no, I don't love you" and then he's going to cry about it when Elliot isn't looking. He surprises even himself with the strength of his reaction, and he has to look down for a moment to feel ashamed, his own face flushing darkly.

As Elliot continues though, he looks back up so he can study his face, and suddenly he thinks he knows how the Liberi is feeling. The confusion towards his own emotions, the conflicting feelings...all of it.]

I would disagree that love is inherently pure. One can "love" to do truly heinous things, for example. It never has to be quite so black and white.

[...]

Would it be correct to say, then...that the decision to live with me, and be with me, even when the two of us are doing nothing truly special at all...makes you happy?

[His headwings shift, briefly obscuring his eyes before folding back into place atop his head, where they remain, albeit the feathers ruffle and shift every so often. Elliot and his own feelings have never been friends; they lie in a complicated space in his heart, often with the accompaniment of Little Elliot telling him that he's doing something, feeling a certain way, or acting like an ass. The child is silent today, letting the real Elliot contend with his feelings all on his own.

Well. It's not like he can feel them most of the time. Still, his answer is more sure than he feels in that moment — not because Sesa is wrong (Sesa is very right), but because Elliot still thinks that such sweet things are off-limits to him.]

Yes. It does. Oripathy has taken much from me — my emotions, my lifespan, and much of my will. Before you, I had been rather content to live out the scant few years I have left, going through life passively and waiting for death to take me. After you... I feel as though I want to live for longer than Oripathy will allow.

How terrible.

...Elliot.

[Whether he's looking at Sesa or not, Elliot will feel the Vouivre suddenly reach out one of his hands, searching for one of Elliot's to take. Despite his hands being so viciously clawed all the time, his touch is as gentle as a lamb's as he lets Elliot's lithe fingers fall into his own.]

I do not know when we will be getting out of here, or if. For the time being, it seems as if we may be here for quite a while. But I can say with full confidence that knowing that I will be spending it with you makes it that much more bearable.

[His shoulders sag a bit, his expression shifting into something...wistful. Sad.]

...I don't like thinking about the little time you have left. It means that I won't get to do all of the things I want with you. Or say everything I wish to say.

[Like his past self, who lost that chance many years ago.]

Such as now. Because I do love you, Elliot Glover. With all my heart.

[Elliot still wears the ring Sesa gave him; he hasn't taken it off, save to shower or when he's doing work on the machinery. It's being worn now, even, sticking out between their fingers where they intertwine.]

I hardly deserve your saccharine words, Sesa.

[He has never deserved Sesa, yet he refuses to let go. He'll sink his claws in as deep as he possibly can to make sure the Vouivre never leaves his side. The obsession runs deep, see, and it's impossible for him to ignore. It says to hold and harbour and claim. Sesa is his, has always been his, and Elliot refuses to imagine a world where their hands aren't intertwined over the vast bridge that separates their two paths.

He bonks their foreheads together, closing his eyes.]

If this is love, then I, too, must love you. What else could it be?

[Their foreheads bonk and then Sesa gets Oripathy and explodes-

No, Sesa will fight death itself if it means staying with Elliot for longer. The Liberi has been cheated out of a full life, but that doesn't mean his remaining days have to be unpleasant ones. And Sesa, who has been tied up in knots about their standing with one another ever since they started this whole thing, has started to grow more and more sure over time of how he feels. Maybe it's unhealthy. Perhaps they are a toxic presence in one anothers' lives.

But if they are both happy...does that matter? In a world already so full of misery in strife, and in a world that Sesa knows won't see Elliot in it for much longer?

Their foreheads rest together as Sesa shifts to turn to face Elliot just a little more, bringing his free hand up to cradle the side of his face. His thumb brushes over his cheekbone, down the curve of his jawline. Just hearing Elliot say the words is enough to make Sesa's eyes brim over with tears, and before he knows it, they're falling when he blinks. They cling to his lashes, giving him away, but for now he ignores them.]

A sickness, perhaps.

[He chuckles, his tail loosely wrapping around Elliot's side.]

A plague that has chosen to afflict us both, I fear.

[Said as he leans in, and presses a fleeting kiss to Elliot's lips.]

[Spring is almost over, and soon it'll head right into summer. You know, sunshine and rainbows and probably deadly flowers. Elliot is not thinking of these things today, though.

Today, he's thinking of horny shit. Surprise! This might not be unusual for him considering how he acts, but it's worse lately. It's Spring, which means it's time for heat, and Elliot historically just does not have them. And if he did, he was always able to ignore it and deal with it at his own pace.

...so unfortunately. The thing about dating someone and telling him that you love him is that it makes heat marginally worse. Elliot doesn't think he'll be ignoring it this year, since he's constantly sharing a bed with Sesa and they're in one another's space all the time. The first wave passes easily enough; it's like a mild horny itch, and Elliot simply tells it to go away and sets to work for the rest of the day. Easy. He can deal.

And then night hits and that all goes out the window. He cannot focus on optimizing his machine; he keeps staring daggers at the way Sesa's adam's apple bobs when he swallows, or the way his biceps flex if he lifts something, or his tail swaying...

...

Wherever Sesa ends up at the end of the evening, he will end up with a pigeon in his lap, tailfeathers flared, head tucking into the crook of his neck. He's feverish. He needs assistance. Please help :(]

[Elliot is, at least, not alone in these feelings he's been struggling with. Just like Liberi such as himself, Vouivre also deal with regular heat cycles during these warmer months...and they're typically a lot more intense. As with anything, the intensity mounts when you're sexually active, which they both are, and...honestly somehow, the fact it was coming slipped Sesa's mind. Maybe it's because he's been busy or distracted, or perhaps he'd been trying to not think about it, lest he over think it or something. They'd only fooled around so far, their intimacy- though intimate- hadn't gone all of the way.

Elliot's stolen glances are not missed by Sesa as he works today, able to feel his gaze upon him in a way that makes him want to show off. He flexes unnecessarily as he reaches for things, pulls his hair back off his neck and shoulders to make it more visible, etc. It's all mindless posturing, with the two of them effectively circling one another wordlessly without actually making a move.

...until night falls, and Elliot decides that no, he is going to be the one to make said move. He is going to perch himself pretty in Sesa's lap in a way that demands his full and undivided attention. It would have been impossible to ignore even if Sesa weren't suffering similarly.]

Ellie.

[He croons as he pulls his claws through the back of his hair, letting Elliot bury his face against his neck as he brings his other hand up to rest at the small of his back.]

You could have said something a lot sooner, you know.

[The nickname makes Elliot coo right against Sesa's neck, brief little chirps that get interrupted by a soft half-laugh when Sesa mentions that he could've said something. Yeah, sure! He sure could have! But Elliot has Unawareness of Sesa's own issues, and besides that, he was so sure he could ignore this.

He wonders, then, how Sesa knows. Maybe it doesn't matter in the end. It's easier to have someone who knows than have to explain how yes, some Liberi do go into heat! He's a pigeon so he does that! Please help.]

As if you haven't spent the day peacocking for me? I'm well aware of how much you've felt like showing off.

[There's a series of more chirps, some sort of desperate keening noise, and then Elliot kisses along Sesa's neck idly between words. Ugh. They are both way too dressed for this.

At least they remembered to get lube this time, aka Elliot got some after they moved in, you know, so they could consummate their theoretical not-marriage (this hasn't happened yet, but consider).]

Any other year, I've managed to ignore it. It's become rather difficult with you sleeping next to me every night.

[Would it be weird of him to tell Elliot that he could smell it? Because he could smell it-

His tail flicks like a contented cat's as he pulls Elliot a little closer to him, the Liberi still sitting pretty in his lap with his tailfeathers fanned just for him, clearly trying to attract him even though that isn't fully necessary. He understands it's a reflex, so he isn't going to complain. Especially not when he's fully aware of the fact his own scales are flaring in places, fluffing up to make himself look bigger than he already is.]

...and why, pray tell, would you wish to ignore it?

[It's a genuine question as he brings his claws up to one of his headwings, fingers tickling the delicate feathers there.]

[It would not be weird, Elliot simply has "idk how mating works I've never done it" energy. He's nearly 40, it's not like he's ever bothered to ask or develop a sexuality beyond "Sesa". Fingers thread with Sesa's hair, and as his headwings are touched, the feathers puff out reflexively. Everything is super sensitive all of a sudden (wonder why!) and just that much ordinarily is enough to both feel good and put him to sleep. Now? Now, they're moderately an erogenous zone, evidenced by the way Elliot groans and then has to bury his face in Sesa further.

He's not hiding, he's just horny. Let him live.]

It isn't so much a "wish" as it is mere habit. You... are the first partner I've had. And I hardly want to keep you up all night.

[Sortof. Kindof. The polite part of him doesn't want to keep Sesa up all night. The ravenous part of him (which usually wins) sure does.]

Mm, well...you needn't worry. I wish to spend this time with you just as much as you wish to spend it with me.

[Why do you have to talk like this. Can't you just say "I want to fuck" like a normal person-

Maybe it's the heat that is helping him feel a bit less nervous about it, as he had when they frotted the first time. He already gets the feeling that they aren't going to just be frotting today, though. Not this time. Not when Elliot is shaking in his lap and flaring his tailfeathers at him.]

It is late, yet the night is young. [He continues in a low voice, pressing his lips to Elliot's temple.] Do you want to stay here for now? Or should I take you to bed?

[Elliot was the one who was rather enthusiastic about crawling into Sesa's lap the first time, and any subsequent handies and frottage in the future was much the same — enthusiastic, hinting at more, but not pushing. Taking baths together and if it led to touching then it led there, but nothing intense. It's not that Elliot hasn't been thinking about Sesa being buried in him before, but now he's thinking that he should've brought up wanting to try before now. Hindsight is 20/20...

...but at least they're also being normal and taking it slow, despite the fact Elliot usually likes to take it much faster. See, we're learning.

Learning is now out the window though so heyo—]

The bed will be easier to clean. [And the lube is in the bedside table drawer.] Besides that, I'm not entirely sure when this veneer of normalcy will wear off.

[He is trying so hard and failing by the minute. Sesa smells good and if his back doesn't hit a mattress soon, he's simply going to start undressing here and now.]

[Elliot places his free hand upon Sesa's cheek, thumbing away the tears. He understands, in the most basic sense of the word, why they're falling... but it's alarming nonetheless, brief as it is. They kiss, and Elliot chases after Sesa's lips when they part, not so much to deepen it but rather to simply have it. Kissing Sesa has, after all, always felt correct. Despite Elliot's numerous wrongs, he has something right.

...

Alright. Now they can part.]

If I did not truly get to have you in the past, [he begins,] then allow me to have you now, while the chance remains to us both. It may not be much, but we have a life together to live, do we not?

[A life that they can live... you know, after they disassemble this kotatsu. The joys of living together actually is moving furniture and picking who sleeps on which side of the bed.]

Understood.

[In that case...

Hopefully Elliot's horny brain can handle being lifted by Sesa's beefcake arms, because that's what's happening as he swings his weight forward, up and out of the chair he'd been sitting in. Elliot facing him the way he is means he'll need to lock his knees around Sesa's hips to avoid falling (though honestly, Sesa has a strong enough grip he can just hold him up regardless) as the Vouivre carries him off to their new shared bedroom.

All the while, he presses little kisses to Elliot's face and neck as they go, his tail swaying behind him.]

I had no idea you could get so pent up...I can feel you trembling.

[The kiss helps to ground him in the moment, especially the way that Elliot seems to chase him for more of the same. He'll happily provide of course, cupping his face in his hand until they eventually do part, just enough so that they can look into one anothers' eyes again.

For all of the many terrible ways he feared talking about this could have gone...this is one of the positive ones. The best outcome, as a matter of fact.]

Yes...yes, we do. And I look forward to spending each and every moment of it with you.

[My guys where is the wedding]

I...haha. I'm sorry. I fear I distracted us from what we were doing.

[Elliot's horny brain cannot handle Sesa's beefcake arms picking him up, you're insane, this just makes him fucking hornier. Those tailfeathers are spread, and he is indeed locking his legs around Sesa's hips, clinging to his neck with his arms.

He is burning hot. Sesa kisses his neck, and Elliot groans low in the back of his throat. Help...]

Trust me... I lacked an idea of how bad it would be myself.

[Ugh... look at Sesa's tail wiggle. He's so happy about this. It's cute...

Elliot presses his face into the crook of the Vouivre's neck and kisses along his pulse.]

[They've already taken their vows and Elliot has a ring yet they remain boyfriends... smh.

He nuzzles the tips of their noses together, a light, airy chirp in the back of his throat. Ah... Sesa always has a way of making him happy, even if Elliot doubts he deserves it. The fact remains, though, that he's obsessed with this Vouivre, and he truly doesn't intend to let him go.]

It's alright. Come, let us finish moving in... surely we can celebrate our love afterwards, don't you think?

[what are you implying elliot—]

[ Immediately: ] Dr. Kal'tsit. [ Ask him how he knows- ] But I don't think the serpent will be like her, so we should be okay.

[ That they are! Fortunately for them, it's easy enough to get to where the safe path ends and the fog begins. He gives a little hum as he adjusts the chest. Should he just... throw it into the water... or- ]

Mmmh, I think We might have to go out there, just to make sure the chest doesn't sink immediately...

[It doesn't take long to bring Elliot from their living space over to their bedroom, the bed in which has definitely already seen some breaking in since they've moved in from the lab. He'll tilt his head a little to give the Liberi easier access to the side of his neck as he lays him down across the mattress, the way his pulse absolutely races giving away the fact he's a lot more keyed up and nervous than he's letting on. He's just a good actor until he isn't, but Elliot already knew that.]

That's alright. I'll take care of you, so don't worry.

[He mutters between them, knowing that his own moments of clarity are going to be short lived. May as well get out all the lovey-dovey shit before he becomes a snarling beast in short order, here.

A snarling beast who is currently happily pressing his lips to Elliot's, pulling his claws again through his hair as he crawls up over him proper onto the bed.]

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